The scene is Transylvania, deep in the bowels of the lab of Soros Fund Management and Organ Recycling, Dr. Gergory Soros Kerrensteen is working feverishly on his latest creation: a woman who can both be a help mate to his Kerrensteen monster aka as Johnny B. Dead Kerry and also provide a challenger to President Obama in the 2012 primaries. Let us join the good Doctor with his assistant Lgor.
Dr. Kerrensteen: So Lgor what took you so long, I have been waiting for a brain for our beautiful bride. Just fortunate Amy Winehouse had all that embalming fluid already in her.
Lgor: Sorry Doctor, I was delayed by some rabid Climate Deniers who wanted to debate me on our stance of man made global warming, but I made them watch An Inconvenient Truth and they feel fast asleep and melted in the hot July sun. I am super cereal…hee hee …yes… hehe
Lgor: I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the rack this morning… geez. Of course Doctor, Lgor will not fail you. I was told this brain was from a former beauty queen and small town mayor who met a untimely death with a moose.
Dr. Kerrensteen: You fool, this sounds like it came from Sarah Palin, of all the people you could have picked, Mein Gott…. but yet maybe I can make it work, I don’t have any time to lose… there is an approaching thunderstorm….
Kerrensteen’s Monster: Arrrrrrrrrggggghhhh, Johnny need woman, all my Heinz sauce fortune is gone. Where is my sugar mama Doctor!!???
Dr. Kerrensteen: There, There Johnny your bride-to-be will be ready soon.
Kerrensteen’s Monster: You know what I like, she must have a European accent, be a bleeding heart liberal, and be loaded with more money than Fort Knox, wasn’t Arianna Huffington available?
Dr. Kerrensteen: No Johnny she was tied up with some AOL deal and she hasn’t died yet anyway. But I have found you a live one that will have all this and more… I think… I mean yes of course….
(Flashes of light, explosions and crackles of electricity, sirens, more flashes of light, and finally a spine tingling scream of madness and delight….SHE’S ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Lgor: Doctor, Doctor she looks radiant, like Tipper did in my youth, or like a Nobel prize on a mantle, but her eyes… I can’t look into them. This is cereal!!!
Dr. Kerrensteen: Walk my lovely, arise, good, ja das ist gut….you are a creature to behold … I think… those eyes I have seen them somewhere before…
Kerrensteen’s Monster: It was on the cover of Newsweek… you have gotten me Michelle Bachmann as my .. wife… ARgrrrheeeeeeehhhhhhhh (Sounds of carnage and mass destruction.)
Dr. Kerrensteen: No wait Johnny, you got it all wrong… talk my lovely … tell Johnny he is wrong!
Bride of Kerrensteen: Is that gas I smell, hope its carbon dioxide you know cuz there isn’t even one study that can be produced that shows that carbon dioxide is a harmful gas.
Lgor: I didn’t just hear that did I …. Oh my God this is triple cereal.
Kerrensteen’s Monster: If you smelt it you dealt it… Doctor you douche bag you have created me a tea baggett. I will run you over like the swift boaters run over me…. arrgggheheheh…. look at this face, is this a face of a happy monster, tell me…..
Frau Hillicher: Doctor, if Johnny isn’t happy wift this teabagging whore, than maybe a woman rich in wisdom and experience would better suit him, Ja? I know vhat to do vhen I gets that 3am call, if you gittens mein drift, you big stiff you…..
TO BE CONTINUED!??