What might happen if Wallander met The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and they both lived in Minnesota.
Excerpts from the soon to be released fictional blockbuster:
The Girl with the Itchy Tigger Finger
published by Pass the Swede,Bro’ Ltd publishers
Chapter Two, Victim number 3, Fore!
….Where are those happy days, they seem so hard to find
I try to reach for you but you have closed your mind
What ever happened to our love? I wish I understood…..
The sound of his cell phone awoke Hertz from his stupor. Jesus he thought why did I let my daughter talk me into that lame ABBA ring tone (tune of SOS)..
“Ja, Hert here”., he mumbled groggily.
“Hey Hert, does your head hert by chance…. Ho ho… oh sure… its Lieutenant Krumbkakken, we just got word of another murder, out at the Pannenkoken Kountry Klub.”
“ Oh Sardines you don’t….”
“ Ja it looks like another victim of the Mad Shanker.”
“You want me to meet you there, say in a hour?” Hertz was finally able to focus one eye.
“You betcha and its your turn to bring the Danish and coffees. Make mine an apple turnover, ok dar and Columbian Special Roast?”
“Ja whatever…. You cheap old battleax you…. Oh shit I didn’t hit end call, …..Ja in a hour dar Lieutenant.”
Chapter Three, Seeing the Forrest for the Woods
“OMG, you never get used to seeing them do you dar Hertz” said Oskar Jorgenssen, the Mille Lacs County medical examiner. He winced at the sight of the corpse.
“Ah you see one errant fairway iron shot you kinda seen them all you know, Oskar. But for the Love of God, they coulda had the decency to replace the divot.”
The once beautiful woman laid sprawled out on the fourth freeway, partially buried in a bunker, face down. Out of the back of her head was a 7 inch long hole, looking like a hack job of some weekend duffer.
“You don’t think this was an accident do ja dare Hertz?” asked one of his junior homicide team members, Mucus Morgenson.
“Are you screwing with me Mucus, you snot head? Dis ain’t no accident as sure as the crappies run in the spring. Dis looks like the udder two we had in the past month. All the same, young buxom babes with their noggins bashed in by a 7 or 8 iron. Yet not a darn witness sees dees girls anywheres near the scene of the crime. Only thing that I can connect them together they always happen around a PGA tour event. And they’re always tournaments that Tigger Forrests has entered. “
“Holy House of Pancakes dar Hertz, you know what I think youse are saying dontcha?” exclaimed Mucus.
“You betcha, I do… and you gots to wonder… why is Tigger playing so many tournaments in Minnesota …. In March?”
“Ja sure, well all I know this coffee was a little cool this time around… Ballbrakker you best get on the stick next time! smirked Lieutenant Krumbkakken coming up from behind the two men.